Buy This Is A Book On Amazon. Buy This Is A Book On Barnes & Nobles. A collection of scathing satire, lowbrow humor, questionable skits, and conversations with doughnuts. Printed with black ink on industrial strength single ply. It’s fire. Well, it can be if you apply a match. You can support the written arts by purchasing actual books. Even if you don’t read, books … Continue reading This Is A Book (Also Useful As Toilet Paper, Fire Wood, Or, If You Really Sling It, A Weapon)
A couple of essays that missed the final cut of the latest book. In hindsight, I have no idea why. It’s hard to kill your children. Or, in this case, to put them in the back of the file cabinet. Here’s some sun, little ones. You very pale, vitamin deprived, ghost like little ones… The Tyranny of the Empty Page In the beginning, God created … Continue reading The Cutting Room Floor
(Go here! Purchase a book, please. Thank you so much!) So, a few epiphanies: I don’t like Medium. BUT, here are eighty-four shocking ways you can delete your account. (Kidding, of course.) No more Medium. So long, buddy. I realized I had enough material for a second mini book. (About 16,000 words.) And that’s what is happening. I must say: how extremely freeing. Random thoughts … Continue reading Burphole #2!
For now. But it’s paying me a couple of bucks, so. I hope you will take a look. Thanks! Link to it by clicking here. If you are curious, you can link to my latest attack: 5 Reasons “Downsizing” Should Have Been A Horror Film or, Nice Kitty! No, Miss Fluffy Bottom! NOOO! Thanks again and I will see you over there. Or I won’t. Have a … Continue reading I’ve Moved To Medium!
What is your motivation? That is to say, “Why did you pull your dick out, Caitlyn Jenner?” Caitlyn: No, I didn’t pull it out. I pulled it off. Like an angry gorilla. I’m a gold medal winning Olympic athlete after all, silly… Make America great again. You did pull it off. But why? Some people speculate you did it out of jealousy. Those Armenian bitches … Continue reading Passion of the Crime
HELP OUT BURPHOLE WITH A SMALL PURCHASE HERE. THANKS! I like playing a game called “Escaping Terri Schiavo.” I sit on the couch and allow television entertainment to beat me into a vegetative state. Slobber begins to collect on the right side of my Snuggie. (I dribble from the right only. An insignificant observation, I suppose, but try dribbling from both sides at once. It … Continue reading The Joy of Dissent
HELP OUT BURPHOLE WITH A SMALL PURCHASE HERE. THANKS! @otterhands: So what if all Muslims are different. What does that have to do with Mexican babies dying of bean related allergies? @thatstuart: No one cares about your kids Halloween candy. Priorities, people! Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil? I start with a shot of whiskey, a small bump of cocaine, … Continue reading The Sweet Depravity of Twitterville