The Sweet Depravity of Twitterville

HELP OUT BURPHOLE WITH A SMALL PURCHASE HERE. THANKS!

@otterhands: So what if all Muslims are different. What does that have to do with Mexican babies dying of bean related allergies?

@thatstuart: No one cares about your kids Halloween candy. Priorities, people! Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?

I start with a shot of whiskey, a small bump of cocaine, and an innocuous comment. And then wait for everything to completely go off the rails…

@Burphole: Game of Thrones. Great show.

@dicknow: So, you’re ok with incest and rape, but you’re not ok with diseased slaves making clothes for Walmart? Disgusting!

Excellent. Oh, Twitterville. Your small town values are colliding with big city depravity. One pocket contains a crucifix, the other a heroin needle. I run my fingers along the cracks in the foundation, waiting. Until we’re tweeting from the rubble…

@mouthbreather: How can spoiled, rich athletes think they have the right to protest during a game?

@BurpHole: Well, our country was built on the backs of protestors. I’m sure the English were saying something similar to what you are saying as we dumped english breakfast into the harbor, grabbed our muskets, and told them to fuck off. You don’t sound very patriotic, you oppressor of free speech. Communist.

@noclitforyou: The Muslim religion isn’t about killing and terrorism.

@Burphole: I disagree. But it’s not just the Muslim religion. It’s all religions. I’m sure the Spanish Inquisition was spreading love right along with the spread of rape and murder. Religion is responsible for millions of deaths, dude. The Gods are laughing at us.

@cystkin: It’s just the kind thing to do to learn what people’s preferred pronouns are and use them.

@Burphole: Don’t hide behind kindness as a tool to force agendas. It’s not kind to get abusive because I disagree with you. Your mob mentality is embarrassing. PLUS, “elf” and “pixie” and “zod” are not genders no matter how bad you want them to be. And thinking you are a dung beetle trapped in a human body is just your mind swallowing you whole. Good bye. Good riddance.

***

I will regret all of this tomorrow. But the depravity is addictive here in Twitterville. I enjoy these piss stained streets. The five dollar hand jobs. The pageantry of a beat down behind the Papa Johns. The discarded needles. I didn’t come for some sort of social validation. I came for the double vision; the latex skirts; the dead bodies; the cock rings. I’ve got a pint of Jack, a loaded .44, and a dozen hits of nitrous. Let’s burn this mother fucker down…

***

This is a small book in print, Kindle, and audio version. You can help by picking up a copy. I’d appreciate it.

Here are some audio essays in album form. They are cheap and you probably already have an Amazon account. The smallest amount of effort in the least invasive way. Thanks!

If you prefer iTunes:

Here is the audiobook.

Here are the audio essays.

If you wish, you can stay in touch on Facebook and/or Twitter. 

Beyond that, thanks for paying attention at all.

Hipster Gandalf (aka Aaron Atadero)

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